Battlefield Intel: According to Nintendo, Mario is not a Plumber Anymore. Wait, what?

Go home Nintendo, you’re drunk.   I’m sure some of you may have heard over the last day or two, that Nintendo put up a new profile of Mario on their website, insinuating that he “used to be a plumber.”  Nintendo, I’m 30, Mario has been a plumber for longer than I have been alive. Stop it.  One of the most recognizable piece of information about Mario (and Luigi) is that they are plumbers.  So much so, that at one point, we ended up having to deal with this bullshit…

mario
He’s holding a plunger because this movie was crap.

That said, it seems incredibly strange to me to just arbitrarily take his job away from him.  Although, I guess if we think deeper about this, what has Mario been up to for the last 36 years?  He’s been jumping over barrels, fighting Bowser, racing Sonic (….yep) in the Olympics, throwing parties for all his friends, literally anything BUT plumbing.  I guess, if we think about it, this is a good change to help teach children that if you shirk your responsibilities for 36 years, it will eventually catch up to you.   If we look at what Nintendo changed his profile to, they have added some other “identifiers” to Mario. So here’s the thing, I can’t translate Japanese, but Google can, poorly.  Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, Mario’s new bio as translated by Google, directly from Nintendo’s website.

mario1
Sports utility Mario is about $5,000 more

Looking at his new bio, it looks like it’s trying to get the point across that Mario has moved on and now has so many other interests, he just doesn’t have time for a job. I guess when your girlfriend is a Princess, money isn’t an issue?   I honestly hope that Mario doesn’t try to attack any “koppers” though.  Usually assaulting the police is a major issue.  I also looked into Luigi’s bio to see if he also got fired.  However, it seems that Luigi still has his job.  Perhaps being number two isn’t all bad, you’ll still get to go on adventures, but also helps you keep a job that makes enough money to pay state taxes on a fucking MANSION. 

luigi
Is a mansion with no zombies even a mansion?